an impeccably crafted double-edged sword

today was a very stereotypically-me kind of day, a relapse into bad habits.

i tried my hardest last night to get all of my reading done for the next day, but simply didn’t have enough time/had too much to do in one night, and had to skim some passages and push aside some work for catching up on later.

i woke up early to try and do some more reading and didn’t eat breakfast. i had class straight through from eleven to three, and fought to stave off hunger and lightheadedness throughout the day.

if my mother knew what went on up here, she’d say i have no discipline. i'd argue, at least for this semester, that i'm too disciplined in some respects.. or at least too driven. but don't these negative side-effects affect me in the exact same way, whether discipline is lacking or in excess?

i recently finished reading gioia diliberto's the collection about a provincial french seamstress named isabelle varlet that goes to paris after world war i to work for mademoiselle herself, coco chanel. i loved every minute of the story, and only wanted to put it down when i realized that i was tearing through it too quickly, as i didn't want it to end. but maybe a third of the way in, i realized that the whole isabelle/coco dynamic was beginning to resemble another well-known fashion-centric novel relationship, that of andrea vs. miranda priestly in the devil wears prada. though isabelle is initially drawn to coco because of her modern designs and celebrity status, she soon gets to the witness the hardened and ugly underbelly of the success-driven female powerhouse.

perhaps the more severe the work ethic, the more beautiful the outcome. the backbreaking work that went into the creating of the collection in question propelled chanel to worldwide acclaim, and though i stay up all night more often than ever, blinking away the burning sensation in my eyes to continue reading, knowing that i'm on top of my workload makes it all feel oddly okay, and these days, during fashion week, the no doubt incredibly hard work that all the designers put into their collections will make itself visible on the runways.

taking a break,

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